sin management vs. advancing the kingdom

As I'm listening to myself praying a few weeks ago, my heart and eyes are opened up to my lack of gratitude for my own salvation. All I can hear are prayers concerning "my needs," "my sins," "my desires," "my struggles." Jesus does call Himself our Healer, our Provider, our Saviour, thus making it ok to call on His name when there are needs, but where is the Kingdom in all of this? When was the last time I was on my knees begging for the salvation of the people in my life, which by the way, are not in my life out of mere happenstance acquaintance. Where in my heart is the ache for those that do not have salvation through Jesus Christ? Where is the brokenness? Could it be that there is not enough gratitude in my own heart for what He has saved me from, and what He has saved me to? It seems as if there is a prevalent idea in my wonderful American life, that our ultimate purpose is the sanctification of ourselves through Jesus Christ. Almost as if now that I have salvation, I am so caught up in the thankfulness for my own salvation, that I cease to consider the salvation of those who do not have what I have been given, and only consider becoming better for Jesus. Although my thoughts are consumed with "Thank You's" for my salvation, where is the heart of gratitude if I am not so thankful for eternal salvation that I am eager to share it with others, and broken for those that don't have it. Overcoming sin in my own life bears too much weight. Not out of an attempt to gain a license to sin freely, but out of a recognition that there needs to be a stirring in my heart to "SEEK FIRST HIS KINGDOM."

Again, as I am praying, and recognizing my prayers to be all about me, God puts it on my heart to lay those things down for a short season, and consume my prayers for the lost people in my life. Although this may seem simple, I guess it's not simple enough, because these things have in the past, been somewhat of a rare occurence in my prayers. For one week, I am going to to lay my needs, sins, struggles, desires, wants, etc...down at the throne of grace, and consume all my prayers with eternal things. Prayers for salvation. At the beginning of that week, on a small card that would fit in my pocket, I thought it fairly simple to write 5 names of lost people in my life, and to commit to be on my knees first thing in the morning, and last thing in the evening, crying out for their salvation. The List of 5 was incredibly random. But we serve a God that is incredibly "not" random. The first name on my list is a guy I used to work with over a year ago, and had only seen one time since then. As I pray, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, go by, but Thursday, I walk into the gym where I work, and that first name that I had not seen or spoken to in almost a year, is standing at the top of the stairs. He then tells me he is now the new manager of the very gym that I work at every day. Definitely got my attention, and felt the need for more of a diligence in prayer now. The following Monday, I walk into the gym, and he tells me it's his birthday, but no one had planned anything for him. At that opportunity, I offered to take him to lunch, and he accepted. Following lunch, he asked me a question. He asked, "hey, i heard you are thinking of getting out of training," and I responded that that was true. He proceeded to ask, "what do you want to do?" I responded, "I would love to be a worship leader at a church." His final question was, "have you always been so spiritual?" Kind of made me laugh that that was the impression that he had of a worship leader, but also made me realize that this is an opportunity to let him know that I haven't always been "spiritual," and here's what happened that changed my life. I was able to share my testimony of salvation, which led to a 2 hour conversation regarding nothing except salvation in Jesus Christ. Following the conversation, he mentioned that he still had a lot of questions, but was now very interested, and asked me if he could attend church with me that Sunday. He came, and is continuing to come, while I am continuing to have opportunities to dialogue with him on a very deep level regarding salvation. I pray that God opens his heart, and that He will be saved.

After this experience, in my mind, it was as if God was saying, I want to use you. I just want you to be willing, and I just want you to ask me. Pray for salvation. Diligently. And in My name. And I will do it. I began to see a need for my heart to be changed even more, as there is still this underlying thought that I am not broken enough for the lost being on their way to an eternity in hell. I am praying that my heart continue to be stirred in such a way that I do not cease to pray for the lost, nor cease to continually proclaim His name through the gospel of Jesus Christ, to the nations that are right in my lap. And to stop consuming my prayers with selfish, temporal things. The Father knows what we need even before we ask. But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added. Let's pray for eternal things.